The Reality of Domestic Violence Part II

My last post was very long, so I decided to divide up the information because I wanted to make sure I shared some statistical information I found on futureswithoutviolence.org:

~>On average more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States.  In 2005, 1,181 women were murdered by an intimate partner.

~>In 2008, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention published data collected in 2005 that finds that women experience two million injuries from intimate partner violence each year.

~>Nearly one in four women in the United States reports experiencing violence by a current or former spouse or boyfriend at some point in her life.

~>Women are much more likely than men to be victimized by a current or former intimate partner.

~>Women are 84 percent of spouse abuse victims and 86 percent of victims of abuse at the hands of a boyfriend or girlfriend and about three-fourths of the persons who commit family violence are male.

~>There were 248,300 rapes/sexual assaults in the United States in 2007, more than 500 per day, up from 190,600 in 2005. Women were more likely than men to be victims; the rate for rape/sexual assault for persons age 12 or older in 2007 was 1.8 per 1,000 for females and 0.1 per 1,000 for males.

~>The United States Justice Department’s Bureau of Justice Statistics estimates that 3.4 million persons said they were victims of stalking during a 12-month period in 2005 and 2006.  Women experience 20 stalking victimizations per 1,000 females age 18 and older, while men experience approximately seven stalking victimizations per 1,000 males age 18 and older.

~>Approximately one in three adolescent girls in the United States is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner – a figure that far exceeds victimization rates for other types of violence affecting youth.

~>One in five tweens – age 11 to 14 – say their friends are victims of dating violence and nearly half who are in relationships know friends who are verbally abused. Two in five of the youngest tweens, ages 11 and 12, report that their friends are victims of verbal abuse in relationships.

~>Teen victims of physical dating violence are more likely than their non-abused peers to smoke, use drugs, engage in unhealthy diet behaviors (taking diet pills or laxatives and vomiting to lose weight), engage in risky sexual behaviors, and attempt or consider suicide

~>15.5 million children in the United States live in families in which partner violence occurred at least once in the past year, and seven million children live in families in which severe partner violence occurred.

~> The majority of nonfatal intimate partner victimizations of women (two-thirds) in the United States occur at home.

~>Children under age 12 are residents of the households experiencing
intimate partner violence in 38 percent of incidents involving female victims.

~> In a single day in 2008, 16,458 children were living in a domestic violence shelter or transitional housing facility. Another 6,430 children sought services at a non-residential program.

~>Women who have experienced domestic violence are 80 percent more likely to have a stroke, 70 percent more likely to have heart disease, 60 percent more likely to have asthma and 70 percent more likely to drink heavily than women who have not experienced intimate partner violence.

~>In the United States in 1995, the cost of intimate partner rape, physical assault and stalking totaled $5.8 billion each year for direct medical and mental health care services and lost productivity from paid work and household chores. When updated to 2003 dollars, the cost is more than $8.3 billion.

~>Sexual and domestic violence are linked to a wide range of reproductive health issues including sexually transmitted disease and HIV transmission, miscarriages, risky sexual health behaviour and more.

 

Again, before we engage in jokes or solely look at this issue through our fascination with celebrities, remember everyday people are victims of violence and this is no laughing matter. Educate yourself and then educate others. You may just save a life.

 

Source: http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children_and_Families/DomesticViolence.pdf

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A Chosen People

Today, I had a very interesting conversation about why over the course of history God would allow so many bad things to happen to people of African descent. A portion of it is below:

I was asked if I believed in God and my answer was simply “yes.” Of course this person already knew the answer, however it was the segue way into asking how could God, who we believe to be so great, allow such disastrous things to happen to his people.

My response: “God said we are a chosen people. When you are chosen and separated from the rest, it puts you into a position of power. Once the enemy sees this, he becomes intimidated and threatened and will attempt to do all he can to destroy you. That doesn’t mean you aren’t chosen or that God doesn’t love you, but it does mean God has you covered through it all.”

Despite horrific things that happen in life, I believe God is more powerful than anything the enemy can throw into our paths. It’s easy to get bogged down in negativity, however we must be determined to focus on our blessings because it can always be worse. One thing that has been tremendously healing for me on my bad days is remembering that there is someone out there who would love to trade places with me.

Be encouraged through the storm and watch God show you the sunshine. He’s never failed me yet.

 

Say Goodbye To The Nice Guy

Can a person be too nice?

Can you be so accommodating you become a nice little liar? Living out an existence that doesn’t fulfill you or make you happy, all because the person you are with is a “nice guy.”

It’s hard to let go of someone who has been nothing but nice to you, even after you’ve determine they really serve no purpose other than taking up space or allowing you to pass time until the right one comes along.

Why is it so hard to let go of the nice man or the nice woman even when they add no value to your life?

It’s almost as if we need permission in the form of disappointment or drama before dismissal. 

Why can’t we simply have a mature conversation that may go something like this: ” Dear Dick (or Jane, which ever you prefer), I’ve prayed about it and this is the point at which you get off of my bus. Yes, this is your stop. No, you have not done anything wrong. I just know you are not the one for me and I am not the one for you. I appreciate the journey we’ve taken, however your retaining that seat would only serve to hinder the person for whom it was created. I wish you the best. Goodbye.” 

Unfortunately, most have not learned a mature way of breaking off a relationship, even when the writing is on the wall. And it’s even harder if it’s nice italicized writing. While some people can find a reason to break up with a liar or cheater, we often struggle to find the logic that justifies breaking up with a nice one. 

I think that happens because there are so many yucky people in the world that we have been hardened to the point to where if the minimal is met; we latch on without truly and comprehensively evaluating all characteristics of the person. Just because a person is nice does not mean you should spend the rest of your life with him or her. What are their interests? What are their goals in life? What is their passion? Are the two of you able to have engaging conversations? Does your tummy feel that flutter when he or she is around? Is there chemistry between the two of you?

There are so many things to look at other than whether or not he or she is simply nice. Santa Claus is nice, however do you really want to spend the rest of your life at the North Pole with a man who only works one day out of the year and all of the other days; he sits around playing with his wood?

Waiting for Love

I love…….

your fear of God, because it’s the foundation,

your intellect, because ensures longevity of conversation,

your drive, because it makes me want more,

your smile, because it illuminates my life,

your sense of family, because we are now one,

your aggressiveness, because it exudes your confidence,

your hug, because it shows your vulnerability,

your swagger, because it’s so sexy,

your ambition, because it elevates us to higher heights,

your voice, because it’s soothing,

your smell, because it affirms your love of self,

your involvement in the community, because it accentuates your selflessness,

your strong back, because it keeps me satisfied,

your laugh, because it’s the music composed specifically for my ears,

your reassurance, because it compliments your love for me,

your tears, because they express your security of self,

your manhood, because it fits perfectly,

your honesty, even when the truth is hard for me to swallow,

your flexibility in adapting to life’s changes,

your kiss on my neck after a long day at work.

I love…….

the way you look at me when I’m acting silly,

the way you finish my sentences,

the way your eyebrow wrinkles when thinking,

the way you touch the small of my back,

the way we can communicate without talking,

the way you can read my mind and discern my needs,

the way you know when to shut up,

the way you give me my space,

the way you let me be me.

I can’t wait…….

for the day we meet.