Tomorrow is the day I’m hoping to find out if I am having a boy or girl. I’ve made it clear a want a girl, however my son would receive just as much love. Truthfully, I’m afraid of having a boy as my biggest fear is having to, as a single mother, rear a Black man. That task seems to be one I can’t tackle the way I would want to, with my Black husband by my side. At any rate, regardless of the sex; I hope to have a very healthy and loving child.
The biggest reason I want a girl is because I want to name her after my paternal grandmother. I secretly hope to have a piece of her back here with me because I miss her soooo much. I also want that unique mother-daughter bond. I want to teach her to be a better woman than I am. I envision a bright, beautiful face with a large, curly afro. I can’t wait to teach her to love her black skin and kinky hair.
I really want to alleviate from her life all insecurities I had as a young girl. I want to tell her all of the things I wanted to hear. I don’t ever want her to feel as if I don’t understand her or what she’s feeling or going through. Essentially I want to heal my childhood wounds by loving her the way I wish I was loved.
Black families don’t always verbally express love, it’s often implied. Sometimes we need to hear it.
This isn’t about not knowing I was loved. This is about giving love the best way in which the person receives it, however in order to do that; one must take the time to get to know the individual on a level that transcends the day-to-day routine. Each child is unique and it is the parent’s responsibility to lay the foundation for such uniqueness to flourish.
This can be a difficult task if there is more than one child in the household, or if you’re a single mother doing it all by yourself, or with little help. Even in two parent households, this task is a challenging feat with all of the roles each parent has. However, we owe this to our children so that when they are parents they will know how to best express love.