Unconditional Self Love

Let me start by first stating that the best relationships are composed of complete individuals. The day I look for wholeness in someone else is the day I lose myself. And how can that person truly love me if I don’t know me, or am only giving a part of myself?

Growing thicker skin can lead to bitterness. How can you be in something as emotional as a romantic relationship and not be emotional? Being able to accurately communicate your thoughts, actions, wants, and needs is invaluable, and some men see this as being too emotional, too vulnerable.  And yet, in many cases, it’s through this vulnerability, letting go of our preconceived notions, past similar experiences, rules and regulations on relationships that love can flourish. Yes, you should learn the lessons of past, but forget the actions, because it’s not fair to the next person to pay for what the previous person did. Similar actions can mean different things to different people. So let him or her explain to you what it means for him or her. And you should be willing to do the same.

Looking at self can be one of the most difficult and emotional processes (if you’re truly being honest with yourself). For me, it took learning how much God truly loves me! Man, when I found that out (for real), I knew I was a bad sista! Knowing that the love is so unconditional, He could love me just as I am flaws and all. Knowing that when He created me, He saw that it was all good is what set me free! Learning of God’s love gave me the freedom to love myself unconditionally. When you love yourself, then relationships become less complicated, due to discernment.

In relationships a great strategy is to learn about the other individual as a person and allow them to learn of who you are as a person. Education aside. Bank accounts aside. Titles aside. Friends, families, and societal expectations aside. Past relationship failures aside. Just the two of you naked (figuratively), honest and open.

It’s funny, the more open I am, the more I can see facades…..


Waiting for Love

I love…….

your fear of God, because it’s the foundation,

your intellect, because ensures longevity of conversation,

your drive, because it makes me want more,

your smile, because it illuminates my life,

your sense of family, because we are now one,

your aggressiveness, because it exudes your confidence,

your hug, because it shows your vulnerability,

your swagger, because it’s so sexy,

your ambition, because it elevates us to higher heights,

your voice, because it’s soothing,

your smell, because it affirms your love of self,

your involvement in the community, because it accentuates your selflessness,

your strong back, because it keeps me satisfied,

your laugh, because it’s the music composed specifically for my ears,

your reassurance, because it compliments your love for me,

your tears, because they express your security of self,

your manhood, because it fits perfectly,

your honesty, even when the truth is hard for me to swallow,

your flexibility in adapting to life’s changes,

your kiss on my neck after a long day at work.

I love…….

the way you look at me when I’m acting silly,

the way you finish my sentences,

the way your eyebrow wrinkles when thinking,

the way you touch the small of my back,

the way we can communicate without talking,

the way you can read my mind and discern my needs,

the way you know when to shut up,

the way you give me my space,

the way you let me be me.

I can’t wait…….

for the day we meet.

How Do I Know If You’re A True Friend?

There are probably a number of answers to this question, but in my opinion, the bottom line is one has to truly love and accept who they are, flaws and all, before they are able to be a true friend. You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself. And you can’t seek in a friend something that is not in you.

Whether we are speaking of romantic relationships and platonic friendships the same is always true. (DISCLAIMER: I use the term relationship as it relates to the relational interactions between people.) You can’t find someone else to complete what is lacking in you. That’s how we end up in dysfunctional, unfulfilling relationships which eventually lead to discord and bitterness.
You have to link yourself to persons who have the same beliefs as you. Similar foundational beliefs systems, when nurtured, can lead to long term satisfying relationships. Nevertheless, we are able to relate to persons whose belief systems differ as long as all parties are content in who they are and what they believe and are respectful of the fact that you believe something different.

This is where the term associate comes into play. An associate is instrumental in your development of self because you can understand and learn about yourself within their context, elevating you to a different level. With an associate, something will always be missing from the relationship, because they are usually only in our lives for a season, to teach us something. And they may come in and out of your life at very random moments in time.
Whether “true” is the word I would use to define who or how I am with the people in my life is tricky. I am what I want to receive from them. If I am going through a rough patch, I may not be the best friend in the world; however the love and appreciation I have for them is unwavering. Rough patches are tough, but real friends are able to bounce back from them. If you are finding yourself having the same disagreements with the same people over and over again, then it is time to evaluate their purpose in your life. Sometimes, because of similar interests (among other reasons), we hang on to people who were only meant to be in our lives for a season.
Do you want to know how you know I am your true friend? Because I will be willing to walk out of your life if I believed that would mean a lifetime of happiness for you. Friendship is not selfish.

That’s my definition of friendship:  tell me yours…


I Dream of Booty Calls

I close my eyes.

I see his smile, hear his laugh, feel his warm embrace as our moist bodies, permeating with perspiration from the knock out bout, are so close our rhythm is one beat in our unique love song.

Only to awake the morning after to the reality that the love we shared wasn’t love and was shared….a song everyone knew and loved.

I stand in the shower erasing the filth of yesterday’s promises, today’s guilt, tomorrow’s uncertainty and I run out of soap.

I pack my bag and leave before he ever awakes.

Only to then

open my eyes

and realize it was all a dream…

Another blogger in the universe!

Why did I create this blog?

There are probably as many answers to that question as hours in the day, however the most simple is because I love writing. Expressing myself through words has proven to be very therapeutic for me, as I am often unable to accurately express myself verbally. I could blame my short attention span for my lack of verbal prowess (and some may even debate the aforementioned as a fact given my witty personality ;~), but the most honest answer is I simply have more thoughts floating through my mind than I have opportunities to express them in my day-to-day interactions.

I am also embarking on what I am certain will be the biggest accomplishment of my life in becoming a mother for the first time this July. That in and of itself renders the need to have an outlet, an avenue through which I can be Shanika, without labels or titles…..the ability to continue to be me and not lose sight of why I was chosen to fulfill this most important ministry of motherhood in the first place.

Finally, LOVE having debates! I love exchanging ideas and various points of view on different subject matter. My goal is not to change minds or to force another to believe as I do, but to take the opportunity to see something through another’s eyes. It is through these eye-altering experiences that we are able to solidify beliefs while honoring another’s right to believe differently. That being said; one never knows what she or he can learn or become enlightened on until they meet a differing opinion. As such, I welcome all comments and look forward to hearing your voice!

So yes, another blogger has entered the universe, because……..I CAN :~)! I hope you enjoy your time here, but most importantly I hope you follow and become an active participant of my blog (click the link at the top of the screen) and tell your friends to do the same! Many thanks!