Let me start by first stating that the best relationships are composed of complete individuals. The day I look for wholeness in someone else is the day I lose myself. And how can that person truly love me if I don’t know me, or am only giving a part of myself?
Growing thicker skin can lead to bitterness. How can you be in something as emotional as a romantic relationship and not be emotional? Being able to accurately communicate your thoughts, actions, wants, and needs is invaluable, and some men see this as being too emotional, too vulnerable. And yet, in many cases, it’s through this vulnerability, letting go of our preconceived notions, past similar experiences, rules and regulations on relationships that love can flourish. Yes, you should learn the lessons of past, but forget the actions, because it’s not fair to the next person to pay for what the previous person did. Similar actions can mean different things to different people. So let him or her explain to you what it means for him or her. And you should be willing to do the same.
Looking at self can be one of the most difficult and emotional processes (if you’re truly being honest with yourself). For me, it took learning how much God truly loves me! Man, when I found that out (for real), I knew I was a bad sista! Knowing that the love is so unconditional, He could love me just as I am flaws and all. Knowing that when He created me, He saw that it was all good is what set me free! Learning of God’s love gave me the freedom to love myself unconditionally. When you love yourself, then relationships become less complicated, due to discernment.
In relationships a great strategy is to learn about the other individual as a person and allow them to learn of who you are as a person. Education aside. Bank accounts aside. Titles aside. Friends, families, and societal expectations aside. Past relationship failures aside. Just the two of you naked (figuratively), honest and open.
It’s funny, the more open I am, the more I can see facades…..