Today is the day I found out you are a GIRL!!!!!
I couldn’t stop smiling and I made the ultrasound tech check several times to make sure, in addition to making sure she pointed out your girl parts to me so that I could see them myself (even though I honestly didn’t know what I was looking at)!
I saw you on the screen and my heart melted! You were curled up and your head was tucked down as if you were praying. You looked so at peace and serene. The ultrasound technician had to move around her wand continuously just to get you to move. You finally did and I saw your arms move! I also heard your heartbeat. I was 160 beats again. All of your vital organs looked great and I can’t explain to you how excited I am to be your mom!
Your name is Nola Grace, after my favorite woman in the whole wide world. I can’t wait to tell you about her. Your name also has significance because without Grace, where would we be?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!
Why do we hate fat people?
Are we jealous that they just don’t give a cluck and eat whatever they want?
Are we jealous of their freedom because we are enslaved by starved, shallow pictures of how society says we should look?
Why don’t we want to see fat people naked? Why is that nasty to us? Is it self-hatred?
Do I not want to see your fat rolls because I can’t seem to look and see the beauty in my own nakedness?
Or do I really believe you are the scum of the earth and I wish you would exercise some type of self-control?
Do I wish you cared more about your health?
Is my hatred fueled by genuine concern?
Am I afraid I might be you someday, therefore if you’d show some sort of self-love it would communicate to me I too could love myself?
Are we mirrors of one another?
There are probably a number of answers to this question, but in my opinion, the bottom line is one has to truly love and accept who they are, flaws and all, before they are able to be a true friend. You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself. And you can’t seek in a friend something that is not in you.
Whether we are speaking of romantic relationships and platonic friendships the same is always true. (DISCLAIMER: I use the term relationship as it relates to the relational interactions between people.) You can’t find someone else to complete what is lacking in you. That’s how we end up in dysfunctional, unfulfilling relationships which eventually lead to discord and bitterness.
You have to link yourself to persons who have the same beliefs as you. Similar foundational beliefs systems, when nurtured, can lead to long term satisfying relationships. Nevertheless, we are able to relate to persons whose belief systems differ as long as all parties are content in who they are and what they believe and are respectful of the fact that you believe something different.
This is where the term associate comes into play. An associate is instrumental in your development of self because you can understand and learn about yourself within their context, elevating you to a different level. With an associate, something will always be missing from the relationship, because they are usually only in our lives for a season, to teach us something. And they may come in and out of your life at very random moments in time.
Whether “true” is the word I would use to define who or how I am with the people in my life is tricky. I am what I want to receive from them. If I am going through a rough patch, I may not be the best friend in the world; however the love and appreciation I have for them is unwavering. Rough patches are tough, but real friends are able to bounce back from them. If you are finding yourself having the same disagreements with the same people over and over again, then it is time to evaluate their purpose in your life. Sometimes, because of similar interests (among other reasons), we hang on to people who were only meant to be in our lives for a season.
Do you want to know how you know I am your true friend? Because I will be willing to walk out of your life if I believed that would mean a lifetime of happiness for you. Friendship is not selfish.
That’s my definition of friendship: tell me yours…
my eyes are the windows to my soul
so I keep them covered.
hiding my deepest thoughts and most intimate desires.
damn, if you only knew…
you’d not only gazed into the brown, you’d get lost
so deep, you’d find the pink and
you could speak my words and write my thoughts
into our bible, making them our word.
unable to be hidden behind tinted plastic framed in designer labels.
looking good on the outside,
disguising the ugly truth.
my true self, unknown to you.
withheld from you….
until you muster up the courage to pull back my blinds,
open up my gates,
and stimulate my mind, body,
uncover my soul.
but you chose to pull away, feelings surpassed.
and I chose to
keep on my sunglasses.
The pieces of my heart are crumpled at his feet.
I wish he would pick them up and put them back together. But he doesn’t even know I love him.
Oblivious to the fact that his every step causes my heart ache.
Writing is therapy, this space is the couch, and we all rotate roles oscillating between therapist and client. Through openly expounding our thoughts, feelings, fears, wants, and needs are we able to connect through our similarities, instead of using differences divisively. Ultimately we grow into who we were created to be. So, put up your feet and share your insight. I’m all ears…..and eyes!