You’ve Got Mail

Every email account has a setting allowing the account holder to reroute any mail deemed unworthy of the time in which it will take to read. Most email servers will ultimately delete these messages to save space, therefore you never see these emails unless you take out time to visit the junk mail folder within the allotted time frame. I have gotten into the habit of occasionally visiting my junk mail folder just to see if there were any messages worth saving, perhaps from an email address I had forgotten to save or from someone who had emailed me for the first time. Sifting through hundreds of messages to save maybe two is time consuming to say the least, however I continue in this habit.

Today, as I was sifting through my junk mail, I began to wonder what my life would be like if I were able to automatically reroute life’s junk to a place where I didn’t have to deal with it unless I made the choice to deal. I also wondered how much time I wasted sifting through junk, only to save one or two relationships (I use the term loosely to define relational patterns between people, so this includes romantic relationships and friendships)  that would ultimately fall apart anyway. As we grow, there should be lessons learned that prevents certain circumstances from occurring in the future. For example, I got 3 tickets for speeding in 2011 alone. Common sense dictates that I drive the speed limit to prevent ticketing from happening again, right? Yeah…….right :).

But in relationships and in getting to know people, there are always triggers that let us know if we should continue investing time in this person. Many of us have lived the story of “seeing the signs” only to justify them because we want to believe the best in people. We see potential and think that if we nurture it via being a good friend to this person, they will one day live up to that potential, making everything worthwhile. There is also the notion of giving a person the benefit of the doubt, as there are always things we can learn from others, despite vast differences.

I have witnessed people who will cut off individuals from day 1 if they determined that individual was one who wasn’t on their level~not meaning this person wasn’t good enough for them, but that there weren’t enough spiritual, philosophical, emotional, or mental similarities to build a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. I really respect these people because I wish I could do that, however I have learned over the years to be able to recognize toxic relationships sooner than later and subsequently remove these people from my life. In this next phase of my life, I aim to recognize and keep it moving before any connection is formed because I have wasted too much time waiting for potential to materialize. Therefore, when an unfamiliar spirit enters my presence, I will keep it moving…..hopefully (well, that’s the goal).

Junk can often serve to distract so ask yourself, “Where would I be if I automatically routed the junk in my life to a place where I will never see it?” This task is much easier said than done because it requires a certain level of tunnel vision that is difficult to achieve and maintain. I do wonder, however, if a certain level of junk is necessary for personal growth to occur? If the answer to this question is yes, then the question becomes, “at what point do you dump the junk?

Your thoughts?



One thought on “You’ve Got Mail

  1. I often find myself going through extremes – cutting off beautiful, well-intentioned, loving friends who I may differ from slightly and working overtime to maintain relationships I should have let go a long time ago!!! I am earnestly working on restoring balance in this area. Someone also sent me an email many moons ago and I think of it often. It likened relationships to a theater. Yes, some people need to be put out of the theater or not even let in. But others may need to simply be moved to the balcony – you know, nose bleed seats :-). People that have a few great qualities you actually enjoy BUT not enough for you to put them in the front row – talk to every day. invite to every event you attend, tell all your secrets etc. I’m working with this concept and incorporating it in my life. Thanks for the post!

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