Stop Letting People Tell You Why You’re Single

Especially if they are single.

Even if they are married, they can’t definitively say why you’re single. They know their journey, not yours, so to offer a generalized list in which you are supposed to “see the light” and somehow be saved from a life of singleness is asinine. Also, a life of single hood should be one that prepares you for marriage (if marriage is what you desire) and quite frankly I don’t care for holier than thou married folks who somehow want to make a single feel bad for being single, especially when a common message passed on by married folks in regard to marriage is “take your time.” I especially don’t like those married folks who were members of the mile high club while single acting as if marriage has cleared them from every indiscretion they’ve ever made. Seriously, just because your “captain” came along doesn’t qualify you to label others.

I’ve been single and on the scene long enough to know marriage isn’t the happily ever after fairy tale sold to us since we were little tots. I could tell you stories of married men approaching me that would make your eyes pop out of your head in disbelief. No one can say what their mate will do when they are away from them, so no married person is in a position to look down on a single. This normally happens from women. I don’t see married men making single men feel bad about being single. So what is it about women that makes us so judgmental when it comes to getting married? Are they truly so happy they want you to enjoy the benefits of marriage? Or are they bored with the mundane routine of their lives? Is it that they’ve bought into the fairy tale instead of the reality of marriage and now that their lives are hell and they feel as if they’ve been punked, they aim to project their unhappiness under the veil of “this is what’s wrong with you and until you fix it, you will be single?” In keeping it totally real, I can’t think of one happily married woman in my life who has ever made me feel inadequate about being single, so I have no reason to believe that secure women are the forces behind these nonsensical lists.

Contrary to the cliche, marriage doesn’t complete you. Two whole, complete, secure-in-self people composed the healthiest marriages and I don’t have to be married to know this. If a person believes another person completes them, then it’s a slap in the face of the Creator, as it’s only through Him that we are completed and made whole. Our earthly relationships are temporary and it is how we conduct ourselves as individuals that will determine our eternal relationships. I am certain meeting and ultimately marrying your life partner is an unbelievable feeling~perhaps one that makes you feel as if you are completing another part of the circle of life, however let’s not confuse this with two people completing each other. In fact, if you were so complete, there wouldn’t be any negativity from you to a single. A happy person aims to make others happy. Hurt people hurt people. Therefore, these lists outlining what is wrong with a person aren’t stemming from a place of love, so my advice to those reading those lists is to take them with a grain of salt. Actually, I have a list for you:

1. Take that “why you’re single” list.

2. Crumble it up.

3. Get a bottle of Windex.

4. Spray it on a mirror in your house.

5. Use the crumbled list to clean the mirror.

6. Look at yourself in the mirror and take a good, hard, honest look at your reflection.

7. Get a notepad and writing utensil.

8. Write down a list of things you want to achieve in life and things you want to improve about yourself.

9. Write out a plan on how you will accomplish the things on that list.

10. Get to working on your plan.

Before you know it, people will be drawn to you and because you are a happy and healthy you; you will have the strength to determine who you will allow in your life. THIS is why you are single~to work on what you think you need to work on, so that when you meet a potential mate, you will be a suitable partner for them. If you are becoming restless or frustrated during your waiting period, i.e. single-dom, perhaps it’s time to take another look in the mirror and become more honest with yourself.

Don’t ever give a list or another person the power to make you feel like you’re less than.

Happy Reflecting!



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