When you are young you want to go to all the parties and every other event your friends were attending. It would have been the absolute end of the world if you didn’t have the latest gear and shoes. Those who could not hang out or were too afraid (or respected the rules of the house) to sneak out were often called the lames, geeks, nerds. They weren’t ever voted “most likely to” be anything. These people were often invisible and even if they were visible, they were merely tolerated and discounted as the tag-a-long simply because they didn’t fit into the norm.
A sheltered existence can be quite lonely. You wonder why you are so different and if you will ever meet people who will understand who you are. Will you ever have friends who care about your thoughts and feelings enough to ask about them? Those sheltered moments often lead to self-fulfilled prophesies of inadequacy because when you feel like the odd ball you begin to internalize your feelings to the point where you feel as if you will never be enough. You begin to accept that it must be something lacking in you that renders you incapable of connecting to others. Therefore you continue to withdraw yourself from everyone because certainly no one can relate.
When life presents opportunities for you to escape the norm and you actually encounter those whose experiences, thought processes, and upbringing are similar to yours, a sense of freedom ensues. Just as the person who has been starved and finally received a bite to eat, you dive into these new people and experiences head first, only to be hurt by them as well because you didn’t take the time to get to know them, latching on to the first perceived life saver that came along. For the life of you, you cant figure out why you’ve been hurt again, so you do what your normally do: retreat to your shelter. The cycle of self-sheltering continues but has been fine tuned over time to the point where you can fit in when you choose to and alienate yourself as necessary. This type of existence often results in disconnectedness from the very people whose lives you yearn to be a part of, but you go along with the flow because a little bit of what you want is better than none of what you want.
What stops the cycle? When does acceptance enter? From where does peace and contentment come? At what point do you face difficulty head on instead of withdrawing when things become difficult? When do you step out of the shelter and run the risk of getting wet from the rain?
When the pain of remaining the same becomes more difficult than the fear of changing.
I think we all know females who believe their vaginas can move mountains, establish world peace, and end wars in one day’s work. I’ve never been of the opinion that my vagina could make a man do something he didn’t want to do and I have seen firsthand where guys used this stance of these females to their advantage. For example, if a guy knows you will perform the sexual olympics on him to “prove” to him that you are the woman of his dreams, the one he should put aside all other females for, and marry you; why wouldn’t he let you believe that you could actually accomplish that feat? It’s a win-win situation for him. He gets the goodies and has the ammunition to make you think that if you keep up with the acrobatics, it will get you closer to the altar.
The truth of the matter is there is nothing special about your vagina. Nothing. It does not have special powers. Why? Because every woman has one. It isn’t unique. To top it all off, some guys will hit anything. Even if you aren’t as “experienced” in that arena as others, an open mind and willingness can prove to be a fun time for both parties. The sex toy game is lucrative for a reason. The point is sex is probably the easiest aspect of a relationship to fix (for those for whom this is a priority). Other aspects of building and sustaining a relationship are not as easy and quite often are the distinguishing factors between a successful relationship and one that doesn’t last. I’ve been saying for years, “every man has a penis and every woman has a vagina therefore there has to be something else that distinguishes you from the next person.”
I’m not saying sex isn’t important. I’m saying don’t lead with your vagina. It ain’t that special. Focus on becoming the type of woman who will attract the type of man you say you desire.
I should nah left you without a dope blog to read to! 🙂
It has been forever since I’ve posted a blog, primarily because life has been such a whirlwind and I haven’t had much time to write. So this is basically a “catch all” post.
~I can’t remember off of the top of my head how far along in my pregnancy I was when I last posted, however today I am 37 weeks and will be 38 weeks tomorrow. Thank God, I am now considered full term and my baby is in the ideal position for her escape into the world, which means I can go into labor at any point now. Exciting and scary at the same time!!!
~We decided to change her name from Nola Grace to Nola Rose so that she would be named after her grandmother and great-grandmother, 2 phenomenal women who have had a great impact on our lives and the lives of many others. Our angel is destined for greatness!
Hmmm….I guess that’s it. Well, that’s all I want to include in this post. I have much more that I’ve experienced and learned over the past month, however I want to honor them with a post of their own.
Ok, I’ll admit it: all I can really think about right now is my baby and forgot what else I wanted to include in this blog! Ahahaaha!!!